Hijab-Ability

Assalamu alaykum one and all.

Inspired by the most humble and honest thoughts by Sister Fuzzy http://asks-muslimah.blogspot.com/2009/03/age-old-debate_26.html , I have the urge to share my own thoughts and feelings about being Muslim, observing hijab, and the impact it has on my daily life....

I am a revert to Islam since August 2005. I was born in and have lived in the USA my whole life. While there is no doubt that there is a lasting western influence in my lifestyle, I was pretty much modestly fashionable. Being a fuller figure/well nourished woman, I was more than aware of my body type and always wanted to look feminine, yet appropriate. I enjoyed getting my hair done, wearing nail polish, and generally took pride in my appearance. I felt lovely and soft.

Since wearing hijab, many blessings have come into my life; a thriving relationship with my husband, a beautiful little boy, a promotion at work, and people accepting for who I am and what I believe in, rather than what I look like. This is the ultimate freedom. Will life always be this easy? Inshaallah- but if not, my hijab will remind me that my faith is more important than anything, and like all things, doing them with GOD in my life will certainly make them worthwhile and ultimately to my benefit, whether it be in this life or the next.


Since wearing hijab, I've noticed that I do not like my appearance at home, when I am not wearing it. My hair is matted to my head to the point where I can't even style it without washing it all over again. I look like a pathetic drowned water rat. There is no recovery from a look this bad. Honestly, by the end of a day off ( I am only home 2 nights a week, working full-time evenings)- the last thing I feel like doing is re-styling my locks or putting on make-up to spice things up. I know in my heart, in the recesses of my soul, that my husband, unquestionably loves me and is indeed attracted to me. The problem is that I am not attracted to me. It has gotten worse since the birth of my 11 month son. Now, I truly do not have a minute to spare without sacrificing something else that needs to be done. Ive manage to carve out about an hour at the end of my night (1 to 2am) where I just do "me" things....read the news, pluck the brows, take a long shower or blog a bit. That's it.


I also feel frumpy. I don't feel that my current wardrobe is very fashionable, because I believe I should keep things simple. Is that an excuse? Sound like one. Do I have the energy to put something together that is cuter? Not really. I don't wear an abaya; I am just not comfortable with it. I do own a few beautiful ones, and wear them on special occasions. Maybe someday I will be willing to wear abays, but for now it takes me deep into the discomfot zone. Every spring and summer I painfully hunt mainstream clothing stores for items that are appropriate for hijab. Sometimes I get lucky, and sometimes I don't. I get frustrated and depressed. I feel like I wear the same things over and over again, just in different colors! I have found a few lovely, long tunics at Shukr, and I have a plethora of long skirts. This spring I should have a greater variety of things to wear.

Going to work is a breeze- I wear scrubs and a lab coat down to my knees. I don't have to worry about coverage, as it is madatory for us to wear these things. They are actually quite comfy, and very loose fitting. I like to match my Al Amira undercaps to my scrubs LOL. Now that I am verbalizing these things, it has dawned on me that A) I am perpetually exahusted and nothing is appealing when you're tired B) I work five nights per week, and really only worry about weekend wardrobes which might be part of the reason I am lacking in this department. I dont get dressed up often enough.

How do I get to any resemblance of my former self? Is it even possible? I suppose someday inshaallah my work schedule will ease, and there will be time. For now- these days.......there are only two things I can guarantee when it comes to self caring; #1 showering #2 good oral hygiene and a basic skin care regimen. That's what gets my free time!

After writing this, I don't feel so bad.....


Oh yeah, I have a wedding to go to in July. This should send me in a wicked fit trying to find something appropriate and nice. Wish me luck. Better yet, wish my husband luck. Poor unsuspecting soul of the "I have nothing to wear" wilderbeast that is about to rear it's ugly head.







5 Birds Chirpin':



أم ترافيس said...

Assalamu alaykum - it was hard to find the post a comment button! LOL

But this new look is so cute ma shaa Allah!

I hope you find the beauty within sis, it is hard with a lot of responsibilities, I remember when I used to work etc and the last things I cared about was what I looked like at home... but dont forget it IS important to make "you" time and to feel beautiful, inside and OUT - it is! For yourself. If my clothes are dirty, messy etc I feel yucky and it affects my mood! So try to incorporate it somehow into your life :) Sure it is important for the hubby and all, but most important, it is about *you*

iMuslimah said...

Umm Travis!

Wa alaykum salam :)

Thanks for the heads up about the post comment issue. I have selected a new template, and I LOVE IT.

Even more, thanks for stopping by, and offering your moral support. It's nice to know that there are sisters who do understand.

On a diferent note, did you pick a new camera yet?

iMuslimah said...

Umm Travis!

Wa alaykum salam :)

Thanks for the heads up about the post comment issue. I have selected a new template, and I LOVE IT.

Even more, thanks for stopping by, and offering your moral support. It's nice to know that there are sisters who do understand.

On a diferent note, did you pick a new camera yet?

Hijabi Apprentice said...

Oy vey! I can relate! I don't work outside the home anymore and it seems harder to get it all together. Me time, grooming time and relaxation time are so important! We have to get it in somehow or you'll end up with an extra large purse and I'll end up making daily trips to Trader Joe's to self medicate with lava cakes :(.

Huggles!

Zach & I

Mama Kalila said...

Not muslim here, so I can't relate to that part completely (although I love the hijab and do wear it occasionally)... but as a newish mama I understand. My problem is I stay home so is so easy to just throw my hair up in something and live in yoga pants.