Hijabification

Hello my esteemed blogeress',

Today was lovely. I was off from work, got a decent nap this morning, had lunch with my sister and son, then went to Marshall's and splurged on a funky handbag I never thought I would carry. The colors are outrageous. I'll have to post a pic.

Also, while shopping in CVS, they had a sale on Maybelline Lash Stiletto Mascara (pictured above)....buy one get one free. Who can resist that? Not I. I must testify, that this stuff is the BUSINESS! It smells too floral, but hey. The lashes look fab. No curling needed. No clumps. I am already hooked. Go get some today.

I have also come to the conclusion that I am my own Kryptonite sometimes. I hold myself to ridiculous standards, and when I can't meet them, I go insane. At least I can admit it. Now to change it? That's the real challenge. I thought if I attempted to rectify big things in my life, that all the little things would fall into place. Not so, at least not for me. I have learned over the past few weeks, that if I address the little things, I have less big things to tackle. How's that for a wisdom nugget?

This may seem odd, but last week I took a night off from work to collect myself. I was feeling very overwhelmed and disorganized. Now- I'm sure some of you can identify that when your handbag looks like the county dump inside, it is a red flag that you are approaching wicked, emotional heifer status. Every time I looked, it seemed to be getting fatter and fatter. I had so many receipts and snippets of paper that I couldn't find my money or other necessary things. I Couldn't even get the bag to close. I must have looked like a travelling pack rat. It dawned on me, that I was in dire need of help when I went to the bank with my husband. When the banker asked for my ID, I had to unload my trunk on his desk, whilst things like pantyliners, and crumpled up tissues, and empty on-the-go baby formula packets popped out onto his desk. I know my husband was mortified.

How did it get this bad? Not allowing myself enough time to do anything. Not caring. Sleep deprivation. Stress. Ironically, the worse it got, the more stressed I became.

So, anyway (yes there is more)-

On my special night off, I spent THREE HOURS cleaning my trough of a handbag. I organized everything in it, then determined what got trashed and what was needed. I found about $10 worth of coin on the bottom, about $20 in singles all wrinkled up. After I was done, I tackled my wallet. What a task that was. I didn't realize how many unnecessary things were jammed in there.

I am happy to report, that my beautiful, favorite handbag has gone back to it's normal size, my wallet has assumed it's slim silhouette, and I can locate everything with ease. It has to be at least 5 lbs lighter. My whole world seems more organized. Everything has order; home, car, work.

I now see that my handbag, is life central for me. It's the nerve center of my daily activities. Since I am constantly on the go, it is always in use for one thing or another. It never occurred to me that it was so critical to my own well-being.

Assalamu alaykum one and all.

Inspired by the most humble and honest thoughts by Sister Fuzzy http://asks-muslimah.blogspot.com/2009/03/age-old-debate_26.html , I have the urge to share my own thoughts and feelings about being Muslim, observing hijab, and the impact it has on my daily life....

I am a revert to Islam since August 2005. I was born in and have lived in the USA my whole life. While there is no doubt that there is a lasting western influence in my lifestyle, I was pretty much modestly fashionable. Being a fuller figure/well nourished woman, I was more than aware of my body type and always wanted to look feminine, yet appropriate. I enjoyed getting my hair done, wearing nail polish, and generally took pride in my appearance. I felt lovely and soft.

Since wearing hijab, many blessings have come into my life; a thriving relationship with my husband, a beautiful little boy, a promotion at work, and people accepting for who I am and what I believe in, rather than what I look like. This is the ultimate freedom. Will life always be this easy? Inshaallah- but if not, my hijab will remind me that my faith is more important than anything, and like all things, doing them with GOD in my life will certainly make them worthwhile and ultimately to my benefit, whether it be in this life or the next.


Since wearing hijab, I've noticed that I do not like my appearance at home, when I am not wearing it. My hair is matted to my head to the point where I can't even style it without washing it all over again. I look like a pathetic drowned water rat. There is no recovery from a look this bad. Honestly, by the end of a day off ( I am only home 2 nights a week, working full-time evenings)- the last thing I feel like doing is re-styling my locks or putting on make-up to spice things up. I know in my heart, in the recesses of my soul, that my husband, unquestionably loves me and is indeed attracted to me. The problem is that I am not attracted to me. It has gotten worse since the birth of my 11 month son. Now, I truly do not have a minute to spare without sacrificing something else that needs to be done. Ive manage to carve out about an hour at the end of my night (1 to 2am) where I just do "me" things....read the news, pluck the brows, take a long shower or blog a bit. That's it.

I also feel frumpy. I don't feel that my current wardrobe is very fashionable, because I believe I should keep things simple. Is that an excuse? Sound like one. Do I have the energy to put something together that is cuter? Not really. I don't wear an abaya; I am just not comfortable with it. I do own a few beautiful ones, and wear them on special occasions. Maybe someday I will be willing to wear abays, but for now it takes me deep into the discomfot zone. Every spring and summer I painfully hunt mainstream clothing stores for items that are appropriate for hijab. Sometimes I get lucky, and sometimes I don't. I get frustrated and depressed. I feel like I wear the same things over and over again, just in different colors! I have found a few lovely, long tunics at Shukr, and I have a plethora of long skirts. This spring I should have a greater variety of things to wear.

Going to work is a breeze- I wear scrubs and a lab coat down to my knees. I don't have to worry about coverage, as it is madatory for us to wear these things. They are actually quite comfy, and very loose fitting. I like to match my Al Amira undercaps to my scrubs LOL. Now that I am verbalizing these things, it has dawned on me that A) I am perpetually exahusted and nothing is appealing when you're tired B) I work five nights per week, and really only worry about weekend wardrobes which might be part of the reason I am lacking in this department. I dont get dressed up often enough.

How do I get to any resemblance of my former self? Is it even possible? I suppose someday inshaallah my work schedule will ease, and there will be time. For now- these days.......there are only two things I can guarantee when it comes to self caring; #1 showering #2 good oral hygiene and a basic skin care regimen. That's what gets my free time!

After writing this, I don't feel so bad.....

Oh yeah, I have a wedding to go to in July. This should send me in a wicked fit trying to find something appropriate and nice. Wish me luck. Better yet, wish my husband luck. Poor unsuspecting soul of the "I have nothing to wear" wilderbeast that is about to rear it's ugly head.

Yes, Ladies- it's real.

This sign is posted on a state owned beach upon which a national landmark is built. How is this fair? The attraction in the background received hundreds of tourists weekly during spring and summer. Unsuspecting visitors (such as myself) may walk the entire boardwalk to the ocean front not realizing what awaits them; people. Yes, lots and lots of men and women who like to tan their bits, frolic in the sea, and play volleyball- completely naked. And I have news for you- they aren't all spring chickens in their prime.

How I wish this wasn't so. How I wish there was a beach for religiously modest or just very conservative families; where clothing is not optional, thongs and speedos are a no-no, and our children could enjoy God's splendor without being subjected to haram habits. I know that in life, my son will be faced with many choices and decision, and that I cannot completely shield him from indecency, but this is where I draw the line. It's a painful one. I miss the beach. I want to build sand castles with my son and husband. I want to teach him to body surf someday. I want him to splash around in the surf and collect seashells. I suppose these joyful activities will wait until we go to my husband's home in N. Africa, where hijab is observed. I am looking forward to this inshaAllah.

I know that what awaits us in paradise inshaAllah, will be far more spectacular than anything we can experience on earth..........

Stick a fork in me, I am finished. I cannot find a template that really suits me. This is the last attempt for now. I loved the blue jeans, but it was a little hard to read. This one is much easier.

That said, I'm about to do some more baby proofing. We need to move some furniture around to make a better play area for my little Huggles. Hopefully I will be able to get to the toy store today, and get him safe toy chest for all his things. He loves to dig through his things, it keeps him busy for hours. For now, his toys are in a basket, and he takes them out, then puts them back in- over and over again. It's too cute.

My PC that I use soley for editing and storing photos took a dirt nap last night. I went out and bought a portable hard drive to back up my photos (all 14,000+ of them), and when I went to actually do it, my computer would not start. I think the power supply in the tower died. I'm totally annoyed, because now I will have to pay someone to back up my hard drive.

Lets not even talk about the fact that I have my photoshop proggie on the dead puter that is only for XP- and this laptop is vista. That was a dowload also. Currently I'm downloading trials of newer photoshop products to try on vista. They are super expensive. CS4 is about $700 USD. Im thinking of buying an older version of CS2 on e-bay for $150 USD. I'm so bummed out. I just took a bunch of new photos of Huggles with my new lens, and now I cant upload them and process them!

Moving on- I hope to get my hair done tonight. HijabiApprentice I know you will be appalled, but I have not had my hair cut since huggles was born, nor have I colored it. Four inches of grey roots (attractive). My sister is a hairdresser/make up artist, so inshAllah she will cut, color and highlight tonight. I need a pick me up. Feeling like dirty spittied up dish rag.

That's all for now. More later.

Ciao Bellas.

I'm about to loose my MIND with this bloggy template XML crap.

What do you think? Should I keep it? Is it easy to read? I hate busy blogs that make my eyes bug out. I love blue jeans. I love my baby boy in blue jeans. Too cute.

Having trouble customizing. I'll have to ponder this tomorrow. Feel free to leave advice.

Shukran ;)