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As'salamu alaykum ;)
I am starting to realize that I am no longer who I thought I was. Does that make sense? If I analyze my feelings, common sense tells me that my identity is not defined by the things I used to do, but by my virtures, moral compass and intentions. The idea that I will never be alone, ever again, is scaring me. I am more nervous and aware of my surroundings at all times, and have an instinct to always be close to home. The notion of being seperated from my husband (for any any reason I can think of) brings anxiety. Now, every thought and deed revolves around my unborn son, impending motherhood, and my husband. It seems like a very natural progression, and life has taught me that whenever there is a new experience on the horizon, balance is key to enjoyment. I am alomst certain that I will adjust to my new role, as I find myself aching to embrace my new baby, in Allah's (swt) time inshaAllah.
There are times when I ponder the days when it was just 'me'. I came and went as I saw fit, never having to consider anyone else. I rarely cooked lol, shopped at will, journeyed into the night for prolonged exposure photography (alone, and yes- stupid) and if I left my underthings on the bathroom floor for a day, it was no sweat. There was nothing more satisfying that logging onto to travelocity and booking a flight on a whims notice. Alhamdulillah living alone was a valuable and rich experience that I will never forget. The mistakes, failures and successes will never leave me, and I hope that the lessons learned will serve me well in my new role as "mom". I wouldn't trade my married/family life for anything in the world, I am just learning how to navigate through the next chapter.....
I am starting to realize that I am no longer who I thought I was. Does that make sense? If I analyze my feelings, common sense tells me that my identity is not defined by the things I used to do, but by my virtures, moral compass and intentions. The idea that I will never be alone, ever again, is scaring me. I am more nervous and aware of my surroundings at all times, and have an instinct to always be close to home. The notion of being seperated from my husband (for any any reason I can think of) brings anxiety. Now, every thought and deed revolves around my unborn son, impending motherhood, and my husband. It seems like a very natural progression, and life has taught me that whenever there is a new experience on the horizon, balance is key to enjoyment. I am alomst certain that I will adjust to my new role, as I find myself aching to embrace my new baby, in Allah's (swt) time inshaAllah.
There are times when I ponder the days when it was just 'me'. I came and went as I saw fit, never having to consider anyone else. I rarely cooked lol, shopped at will, journeyed into the night for prolonged exposure photography (alone, and yes- stupid) and if I left my underthings on the bathroom floor for a day, it was no sweat. There was nothing more satisfying that logging onto to travelocity and booking a flight on a whims notice. Alhamdulillah living alone was a valuable and rich experience that I will never forget. The mistakes, failures and successes will never leave me, and I hope that the lessons learned will serve me well in my new role as "mom". I wouldn't trade my married/family life for anything in the world, I am just learning how to navigate through the next chapter.....
0 Birds Chirpin':
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