Giving Thanks

I need to give thanks. Right now. This very second. Alhamdulillah infinity.

My God, what have I done to deserve such good things? I often feel I am not living the way you want me to.

I have never been more in love in my life. Our son is on the cusp of 19 months old, and he is the purest joy, the purest love, the purest laughter, and the purest light. There are times when I cannot wrap my brain around the love I have for him. Its endless, timeless, and transcends the boundaries of my heart. His belly laughter slays me. His scent is sublime. There is still some evidence of status chubbicus left (aka chubby thighs, cheeks and tooshy) although they are dimishing rapidly since he has taken to running, climbing and jumping non-stop.

After his birth the depression set in, and it took a while to lift. When I look back I feel guilty for having complained about it, and for having felt so deprived of a naturual birth and crying endlessly over nursing struggles. Whatever it was, it was all God's plan. I realize now I had a failed induction and that's that. Ive accpepted it for what it is, I cant change it and there are no do-overs. Having a c-section meant we were saved from other complications and meant that my son would makes swift entrance into this world with literally no more stress. Why couldnt I see this then? My mind was clouded by fatigue, baby blues, and unrealistc expectations. In the end we were granted a full-term healthy baby boy, and that is truest blessing ever.

Im not sure what prompted this post. I suspect its due to reading some very heartbreaking things in the news and the blogosphere. I also suspect my thoughts are in part influenced by our upcoming move this weekend. We are leaving the place that our baby knows as home. This is where we brought him to begin our journey. This is where he slumbered like a prince in his bassinette, in the center of the living room, whilst our loved ones streamed in and out to admire him, and profess their insane love for him. I also suspect that my feelings are brought forth by our impending Eid Kabir InshaAllah. What more appropriate time to think about our children, when Ibrahim agreed to make the ultimate sacrifice for the love and sake of Allah swt?

We are goingn to start building memories someplace else now. InshaAllah it will be happy memories. We are going to build a future someplace else now (down the road lol), InshaAllah it will be a bright and rewarding future.

I'll probably be without internet for a bit starting on Eid- so InshaAllah I hope you all have a blessed Eid Al Adha. Enjoy one another. I cant wait to hear Takbir at the masjid if we can go!

Assalamu alaykum,

iMuslimah & Co.

3 Birds Chirpin':

Salma said...

Salam alaikum sis,

That's wonderful...the love and blessings that you have in your life. Insha'Allah, this will be a continuous reward.

Safiyyah said...

Salaams Dear:

Eid Mubarak!

Mama Kalila said...

Aww.. I know this is late.. but have to say that what you felt was/is normal so don't feel bad about it (or try not too). All those hormones still going on and adjusting to a new baby doesn't make it any easier, even if you know things happened for a reason. I'm glad you can see that now though. Is good to get to that point.

I'm not sure what things you've been reading (when you posted this anyway) but I'm sorry they've been heartbreaking.